PASS THEM ALL BY
©Shell 2002; theanimalspirit@hotmail.com

Pass them all by ...
those things in cages.
Just say "poor dear" and move down the line.
He's overweight.
She's scrawny.
He seems to have fleas.
She has FIV.
Maybe I should try a different shelter?
Well, I made the trip, so let's move down the line.

Pass them all by ...
That one is too old.
This one is the wrong shade of red.
Here, I have a photo of how it should look.
Don't get me wrong, I want to help out,
save a life and all that.
After all, that's what this is all about!
But I know exactly what I want,
so let's move down the line.

Pass them all by ...
He's not purebred.
She's not the right color.
He meows too loud.
She doesn't purr at all.
His hair is too long.
Her hair is too short.

Pass them all by ...
Just things. Only animals.
He doesn't look happy.
She looks kind of angry.
He won't let me cuddle.
She won't sit on my lap.
Any more over there?

Pass them all by ...
those things in cages.
Just say "poor dear" and move down the line.
Pass them all by,
nothing here that I want.
Pass them all by,
just leave them to die.

(Dedicated to shelter animals everywhere)

RULES HOUSECATS LIVE BY
- Author Unknown

Chairs and Rugs:

1. If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good.
   
    
2. Be sure to select your human's favorite chair for you daytime naps and avoid napping in any bed or basket provided for the purpose. Change your nap places often enough to be unpredictable; it keeps them compliant.

Doors:

3. Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get a door opened, stand on your hind legs and hammer with your forepaws. Once the door is opened it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an outside door opened, stand halfway in and halfway out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow and the mosquito season.

Guests:

4. Quickly determine which guest hates cats the most. Sit on that lap. If you can arrange to have fish breath, so much the better. For sitting on laps or rubbing against trouser legs, select a fabric color, which contrasts well with your fur. For example, white furred cats go to black wool clothing. For a guest who claims, "I love kittens" be ready with aloof disdain, apply claws to stockings, or use a quick nip on the ankle.
   
    
5. When walking among dinner dishes on the dinner table be prepared to look surprised and hurt when scolded. The idea is to convey "But you allow us on the table when company is not here".
   
    
6. Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything, just sit and stare.

Work:
    
      7.  If one of your humans is sewing or writing, and another is idle, stay with the busy one.
            This is called helping, otherwise known as hampering. Following are the rules for
            hampering:

1.  When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and picked up and consoled.
2. For book readers get in close under the chin, between the eyes and the book, unless you can lie across the book itself.
3. For knitting projects, curl quietly into the lap of the knitter and pretend to doze. Occasionally reach out and slap the knitting needles sharply. This can cause a dropped stitch or spill the yarn. The knitter may try to distract you with a scrap of yarn. Ignore it. Remember that the aim is to hamper work!

Play

8.  It is important, get enough sleep in the daytime so that you are fresh for playing catch mouse or
     king of the hill on your human's bed between 2 and 4 am.

Food:

       9.  It is not good practice to accept the first food offered. On the other hand, complain loudly when
            your dish is empty. When they respond by filling the dish, it is not necessary that you eat it. Study
            it carefully, then slowly walk away.

BEGIN PEOPLE TRAINING EARLY. YOU WILL THEN HAVE A SMOOTH RUNNING HOUSEHOLD. HUMANS NEED TO KNOW BASIC RULES. THEY CAN BE TAUGHT IF YOU START EARLY.